Motherhood… not what I expected or wanted

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When I was a child, I always envisioned myself as being this patient, gentle, kind and caring mom who was always understanding and never yelled. In my dreams, I was all of these things and I was great at it.

Here I am now, a mother of three and I’m exactly what I always said I wouldn’t be. I’ve lost all patience, I’m not as understanding and I’m a yeller. The kids fight and boss each other like no other. I’m always trying to correct them which turns into an argument and then turns into yelling and then more yelling because my patience is thinned yet again. Especially since my ten-year-old has recently said that he asks for things or to do things over and over until I give in… I knew he did this, but I didn’t know HE knew he did these things! However, it’s not just him. My six-year-old does it too and this is why my patience has thinned out and I’m not as understanding and tend to yell a lot more often than I’d like. Thankfully my youngest is only a year old and doesn’t have to deal with this… The sad part is once you start these bad habits, it’s near impossible to stop. (It has even entered into my marriage and that is never a good thing.) The lack of patience leads to yelling, even over simple things like; not shutting the refrigerator soon enough, leaving shoes in the floor, leaving toothpaste in the sink to dry, or dripping water all over the floor so that I’ll step in it. (I can’t stand wet socks.) I’m like a volcano, ready to explode on anyone around. (I’m sure my OCD doesn’t help matters at all.)

I have realized that my lack of patience has caused me to yell a lot more and I have decided to try to be more patient… walk away when I feel overwhelmed and count to ten and remember the mother (and wife) I want to be. Then I can reevaluate the situation and be the kind, gentle, caring and patient mother I always envisioned myself being. I have to remember that they are used to asking over and over to get their way because I allowed it, so now that I am changing, I have to keep in mind that it’s going to take some time for them to get used to this new change as well. Be firm and consistent, but patient. Lately when they ask for something and they don’t like my answer, they’ll try again like always, but instead of my usual giving in after yelling that they have already asked, I have been telling them “asked and answered”. Meaning they have asked for what they wanted and I have given my answer… end of subject. Just because they don’t like my answer doesn’t mean it’s going to change if they keep asking… at least not anymore! I just have to keep my cool and remember to be patient with them while we get used to this “new” mother I am trying to become.

Another thing that I am doing to try to gain my patience back is spending more time with my kids. Yes, MORE time! I know; usually when a parent is at their wit’s end and out of patience, they go out… without the kids. Don’t get me wrong, I miss date nights with my husband and would love more time with him, but spending time with my kids is extremely important to me too. I have noticed that when they have my undivided attention, they listen more. It may not last long, but for that moment I have more patience!

I’m ashamed and embarrassed by my lack of patience and yelling lately, but all I can do is pray and work on it. Strive to be the mom I’ve always envisioned I would be. I got this!

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Potty Training During Night-time=madness!

Potty training is a big step for kids and parents alike. The secret to success? Patience… and perhaps more patience than you ever imagined!

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We started potty training my daughter at 2 years old. She finally potty trained during the day at around 3 years old. YAY! However, night-time potty training has been going on for 3.5 YEARS! We have been trying everything we can find online and everything others have suggested; like no drinks after supper, go to the bathroom before bed and even bribes, but nothing seems to work. She would tell us that she’s “too tired to get up” or “I’m just not a big girl”, which started after we had her little brother. Since I get up every 2 hours with baby brother, I go ahead and wake her up to go tinkle on the potty. Some days it works, but most days, there’s that one time she is still wet. We started having her wake up and go take a shower every time I find her wet thinking she’ll hate having to wake up to take a shower and will just get up to tinkle and go back to bed… boy was I wrong! Now she tells me that she can’t get up to go tinkle without me waking her up.
She has been begging for a kitty and she loves sweets… So, we made a reward chart for her. For every day she wakes up dry; she gets a check, but if she wakes up wet; all the checks are taken away. Once she reaches 7 consecutive days, she gets a candy bar of her choice and once she reaches 30 consecutive days, we will take her to adopt a kitty. Has this worked? NOPE! She made it 6 days dry and we were so excited telling her “yay! We get to take you to get a candy bar tomorrow, but remember, you have to wake up dry to get it.”, but she wet the bed! Every since then, she has wet the bed EVERY night! That was about 3 months ago at this point.
I am still waking her up every night when I get up with baby brother every 2 hours. Regardless to being woke up every 2 hours, she was still wetting the bed at least once a night, every night. Well, waking up every 2 hours must be working (knock on wood) because for the past 3 nights, she has been dry! We stayed up late last night and didn’t go to bed until 11, and thankfully, baby brother woke up at 10:30 and then not again until 3:30 AM. Since it was 3:30 AM and the sun was starting to come up, I decided not to wake her up to tinkle because she would have stayed up and since I get little to no sleep most nights, I wanted to sleep. When baby brother slept even longer and woke up at 8 AM, my husband and I got up and I just knew my daughter had wet the bed because I didn’t wake her up at all… wrong! she was dry and super excited when I woke her up! We even high-fived and did a lil jig. 🙂
I am praying that we can get past this and move on. She’s about to start school this Fall for heaven’s sake! Something has to work! Let’s hope this 3 day streak is here to continue… forever!!